In what is possibly the Most Boring Post Ever - apart from all the woe is me I am so sad this is so hard ones - so ok possibly nowhere near the Most Boring Post Ever, but certainly not very interesting to anyone except me; but then it is my blog (but I digress) I have finally realised why I literally dread the thought of going swimming even though I always enjoy it when I get there.
You see, I used to be a very good swimmer. People think I am still (I had an irritiating argument with my dear Spousal Unit on that topic just the other day) but I know I'm not. I'm a good swimmer technically and also compared to non-swimmers, but I am so far from my notion of good swimming shape that I can only just see it on the horizon at noon if I squint . The problem is that I can see it, and that I know exactly how far it is from Here to There (a bloody long way, to use the technical term), and that distance is what I see when I think about going to the pool. Not the half an hour immediately ahead of me, but the weeks and weeks and weeks of feeling unco-ordinated and unfit and finding time around J's shifts and the lane-hogging local swim-squad to fit it in. Another job. Another failure to suck up. Another Bloody Slog to get back something I've lost because I was SO SLACK (aka I am a real person with a real life with priorities and frailties aka I Hate Myself Because I'm Not Superwoman). Le Sigh....
At this stage I don't know what I'll do with this new-found insight, but I always think change is easier when you actually know what you're dealing with.
5 much-appreciated comments:
I was glad to see the "I am a real person..." part in there.
I have been making the same nasty talk to myself about why I am not as good at triathlons as I used to be -- there was some little thing about getting my degree done and having The Most Insane Job Ever that got me derailed.
+1 for thinking you are an awesome swimmer.
I don't know if you felt anything change at around 10.50am but I sent some of my spare motivation out into the universe for you. Some days I have none, some days it over flows- but at the moment I have it and it wont be long before you have it too. Get your swimming bag ready, your toiletries bag, towel, togs, gogs and get.in.the.pool.
Sara
My life has been a lot easier since I stopped aspiring to be Superwoman. Nowadays I'm (mostly) kinder to myself when life or I don't live up to my expectations. It's still essential to have goals and strive for them but sometimes we have to accept the bumps and twists along the way. How "zen" of me!!!
I posted this, this morning, but the computer ate it.
I think of this as the Salieri Syndrome. A very good composer, important to opera and generally well regarded, he had the misfortune to be alive at the same time as Mozart, who was an incandescent genius.
This did not do good things for his mental health. He could see his own talent, but he could see Mozart's, and he knew he'd not be able to compare. The difference between a normal person and Salieri is far greater than the distance between Salieri and Mozart.
I get this in my intellectual life. I'm very smart. But I'm not one of the incandescent ones. On a ladder, on a good day, I can see them from here. And, of course, since I'm used to the contents of my brain, I figure it is standard issue.
If you find a cure to the Salieri SYndrome, I'll buy a bucketful.
Emma
You are wonderful and amazing...no matter what you happen to think or blog.
m
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