Feet of clay

I know, I know, I said no ebay for 2 months, and it's only been 4 weeks ( a huge personal best, BTW), and no shoes until I've had 25 AFDs, and it's only been 3, but who could resist these darlings?

(or these, but I actually need them and they're much cheaper direct from the US so it doesn't count).

No jokes about shoes being my achilles heel, please - far too corny (CORNY, geddit? hahahaha, gosh I'm SO funny...) I'm back on the wagon now, I promise!



I'm meeting my new thesis supervisor tomorrow.
I have decided to believe that the surgeon will do all the scans and then decide I don't need surgery after all, or
the scans will reveal I need a ligament repair rather than a full reconstruction, or
it will all go superbly well and I will heal marvellously quickly.

more anon, Imeldas!

Thawed

I've come out the other side of the frozen feeling that gripped me after Thursday's news. I couldn't work out what that feeling was - I just felt frozen and heavy and so very tired. I spent a fair bit of time just sitting down. I definitely wasn't being stoic or cheerful - sorry chaps, I just couldn't do it, I lied like a rug in my last post. Those thoughts at the end were just what I wanted to be thinking. I wasn't catastrophising or wallowing in the self-pity pool (not that there's anything wrong with that!); I was just...frozen.
Then I recognised it.
Oh f#$%, now I have to be brave again dammit.
Brave meaning stoic and organised and diligent and positive and making sure the people who love me aren't too bummed by my circumstances. Brave meaning getting my head around things and accepting them.
It's not that I didn't/don't want to do these things. I do, and I will. It's just accepting that here is really, yes, another hurdle life has thrown down that I have to jump.
Please don't think I'm claiming heroic-struggling-through-adversity status or anything. This is not life-threatening to me or my loved ones. I won't lose my livelihood. My thesis supervisor is leaving and I will be getting another one. There has been no improvement in stability or soreness after 8 weeks of diligent rehab on my ankle. It's f&%*ed. I wouldn't be surprised if it needs surgery (rest assured Jeanne, I'll be getting more than one opinion). That's all.
Of course my inner adolescent is howling in self-centred protest - why me? Not again! this isn't faaaair! Of course I am extremely dark that just when I am finally ready to lay down a solid winter of training my stupid ankle turns on me. Ok, I turned on it, but this is my reality, thankyou.
But there's no point in working myself up when I don't know anything concrete yet. It's a waste of energy. I am getting very practiced at hushing those hysterical voices so they don't wear me out.
I see the surgeon on Tuesday week and should find out about my new thesis supervisor around then too. Until then I'll just try and float along on top of it all.



Oh, and probably drink too much and complain a lot.

More anon, my ducklings!
BTW I reset my star counter to zero. It's time to cut the b#%%s*&$ . 1 AFD = 1 star. 25 stars = new shoes.

no discernible endpoint

What to say, what to say?
So I went to visit with my thesis supervisor and he told me he’s leaving in three weeks. After all the insincere oh good luck to you don’t worry we’ll sort everything out it will be fine conversation was over, hmm said I to myself, I think I’ll go for a swim.
Uni pool - closed
Off to the library
Hmmm I said to myself I don't feel like studying today, I think I’ll toddle off to my usual pool
Oooo I thought, gosh my ankle is stinging
Hey, I meant to go to the physio this week for a checkup!
Hmm said the physio as he twisted my ankle around
There’s no discernible endpoint here.......
(that’s bad)
Never fear, you can run for years and years on an ankle this unstable, as long as you tape it all the time! No worries whatsoever about the Melbourne half in October!
But what, I enquired, if you want to run every Melbourne half for the next 40 years?
Hmm said the physio
Here’s a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon. You might need a reconstruction.


......



Stoic cheerfulness being the LBTEPA way
- If there is a good time for your thesis supervisor to bugger off, this is it, as the ethics application is in but the data collection and analysis have yet to start
- a fresh perspective on the project could be the making of it
- I can still run swim and ride until this is all sorted out
- I might not have to have surgery anyway
- I have health insurance
- my ankle will end up stronger than before no matter what happens
- there’s plenty of sparkling shiraz in the rack

Stay tuned..............

Now I suppose I'll have to get one of those countdown doovers

Damn you, online entry! How many more times will I rue my impulsivity? How many days left until October 7th?

This thing has A CUTOFF TIME AT 11KM!
If I make it, I get to do a lap of the MCG!!!!!!!
I can pretend I'm Kerryn McCann.

I feel faint.

MUCH more anon, big dreamers.

Back away slowly

If I were you I'd be retreating as fast and as far as possible from the cesspit of infection that is Chez LBTEPA, spraying disinfectant as I went.
Noddie's sniffle has progressed to a fruity cough, although that didn't stop her riding her little bike all the way down our hill to the creek yesterday, and along the path and back (but not up the hill. She's not stupid). Her bike has trainer wheels; I fear what will happen when they come off because I already had to run to keep up with her! She's such a game little thing - after we got home she flaked it on the couch for a good hour.
J has a nasty cold which of course means he thinks he can loll about watching TV while grunting monosyllables, and I have a stupid infection requiring antibiotics. After I finish this post I'm off to G00gle whether I should be training this week. I usually follow the "above the neck" rule but I don't know how that goes with antibiotics... It's a good thing we are all healthy and recover quickly.

You would really be far better off nipping over to visit geekgirl, Simlin and Nancy and congratulate them on their great races this weekend!! Well done all of you!

In closing, I'd just like to say WOOF WOOF WOOF!

more anon, diehards

Sniffly Saturday

Noddie has had the sniffles and a cough the last couple of days so we have put in some solid sessions of Playschool in front of the new heater - the latter, BTW, which has usurped my electric blanket as one of my top three favourite things in the house, along with my mp3 cause it makes me run, and the computer because that's where all my friends live. I never said I wasn't fickle.
I am steadfastly defying any viral invasion with echinacea, patented cold remedies, vitamin C, plenty of water and sleep, and exercising as though The Schedule was the Gospel. So far so good.
Just wanted to share a really nice moment with you - I was running this morning (oh how casually she writes that!) when the sun came up, and I was all washed in gold! My elongated shadow was my playmate in that fiery, gorgeous world. It was a moment of joy and it's made me smile all day.
I'd best be orf - it's playdough time, woo hoo! I might let Noddie have a go later.
More anon, strivers :)

Make 'em laugh

How to make people laugh
- overdo it on the bike in February
- rehab shins, calves and achilles in March
- sprain your ankle really thoroughly in April
- rehab that
- run twice in 10 days as your only preparation for a hilly two-loop 8km
- forget your 5/2 run/walk plan; run all the way!
- walk around again with your kid
- imbibe injudiciously most of the afternoon
- sit down at your desk most of the next day
- attempt to walk down stairs while people are watching
Voila - helpless giggles from the assembled throng!

Maaaaaaaaate........
Ow ow ow ow
I haven't felt this much of a dill since....um....
But....
I don't care! It was a SPLENDID day! And after the bike last night and the pool this morning I am much better! And my medal is in my pocket because it makes me feel happy!

Does swimming in the morning make you hungry? It's not long since lunch and I could gnaw my own arm off.

more anon, carb-cravers!

Happy Mother's Day

This will be short because I'm pretty tired, the Bulldogs won in a thriller, and I had to spend the afternoon with my m-i-l so I've had a couple* of sherbets.
*ok, more than a couple. But for the best possible motives.
I love my Mum. I do my best to be a good Mum to Noddie. I had a magnificent example.

It was a beautiful morning that turned into a golden day. Mum was stoked with her 4km time; my 8km was slow but I was happy with it, considering. Noddie was a complete legend doing the 4km walk, although we spent some time being 'trains' - Lara was the driver, Mummy was the weary carriage and Daddy was the engine, pulling us all up the steep bits! My ankle is tired and a bit painful but not at all sore. Phew.

Now if you are lucky enough to have your Mum nearby, go and hug her and tell her you love her.
More anon, my friends.

Noddie's very first race number

*wipes tear from eye*
I'm so proud.

Tweaking

Firstly, get thee hence to Wes’ page and shower him with praise for finishing his very first triathlon!!
Secondly, THANKS for all your comments; as you know, I LIVE for attention LOL.

An ebay-free existence is weird. I am quite horrified at how much time I spent trawling for size 10 red shoes and size 14 wrap/crossover tops!

So, LBTEPA, how are you getting on with your stars, I hear you ask? I didn't hear you ask? Oh well...... you may want to skip this next bit...up to you of course...
In my tweak-it-‘til-it’s-perfect way, I have amended the criteria somewhat.
- physio exercises and stretches every day. No calf raises, no star.
- as far as possible, cheerfulness! I feel so very flat lately that this is a hard -but clearly important - habit of mind to maintain.
- eat like a lean person – start when I’m hungry, stop when I’ve had enough. Food as fuel and pleasure not anaesthetic against agitation or anger.
- no impulse buys. This is a bit complicated, but I have decided that one lunch and one coffee each week is ok. No earrings unless they are astonishingly fabulous AND better than the ones I am wearing, no lipstick, and NO beads! Mmmmm…beads…….
- un-stupid drinking. You know what I mean.
Nothing too hard, nothing too easy. Everything is aimed at longer-term goals – lose weight, throw a lifebouy to my plummeting mood, smarten up my finances, recover from this injury stronger than before etc etc – but gives me immediate rewards. I can have a star if I judge that I've put in a fair dinkum effort on all these things.

I am NOT talking about running because I am SULKING. My ankle has been all sore and sting-y and unpleasant since Saturday and I am going back to my physio tonight so he can tell me everything is normal and it’s ok and I didn’t do anything bad to it.

For the last four or five Sunday nights, I have put my swimming stuff near the door ready to go to the pool before work next morning. And for the last three or four Mondays I have got out of bed at the usual time and shamefacedly put my swimming bag back in the wardrobe.
Yesterday morning ........
*drumroll*
I got up early and went swimming! It was just lovely!I like this photo so much I put it up as the wallpaper on my work pc

What small victories have you had lately? Go ahead, talk yourself up! You deserve it!

More anon, back-patters :)

3 things

1. I am eschewing ebay because I have been using it to soothe myself when I'm agitated or despondent at uni or work. That's not what it's for. It's for reaffirming my status as a bargain-finder of legendary repute.



2. I made this for Noddie yesterday and felt all sentimental because I can remember my Mum making me a sock puppet. I'm sure I didn't call mine Daniel though.





3. I went for a run this morning.
*beams; exudes glow of quiet satifaction*

The things you learn...

If I was one of those impressively athletically successful people my blog would be bursting with impressive workouts, graphs and race reports.
If I was one of those madly keen weight-loss champions my blog would be full of recipes, charts and profound thoughts on my relationship with food.
If I was one of those wonderfully philosophical parents, my blog would be an oasis of reflection, learning and adorable family anecdotes.
Tough luck on you guys, eh? If that level of focus and excellence is what you're after, click on a few of my 'good reads' - those people are a source of inspiration to me every day. And you are too. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you write in my comments, I really can't.
I digress.
I like to have goals. Now that I am temporarily without them, I have realised that having things to look forward to that excite me, that involve effort and measurable improvement, is one of my great pleasures. It's been really hard just waiting patiently for my ankle to heal. I want to plan, and train, and get excited! I have not run even once yet. I'm a bit scared - ok, ok, petrified out of my mind - of what will happen when I do. BTW it's not fear that's stopping me - like the lovely Jeanne, I await, and await, and await medical permission to hit the footpath.
One thing I am really looking forward is the Mother's Day run. I urge anyone who's never done it to show up, do something for breast cancer, and enjoy an amazing, beautiful experience. It's such a tremendous atmosphere, I just love it. My plan is to run 3min walk 2. After my Mum does the 4km and I've finished the 8, we will meet up with J and Noddie and do the 4km walk - Noddie's second race as an official entrant!! I've got her an event t-shirt and she'll get her own bling too. I know I should use my powers for good and not evil, but I want her to be as hooked on big races as I am, mwahahaha...
In the "Why can't the new things we learn about ourselves as we get older be all good?" category:
I am an impulse buyer when I am under stress.
I didn't know this. I'm usually a really disciplined shopper. But the siren call of my four letter friend - no actual shopping, no actual money - has ensnared me. When I worked out how many clothes I've bought in the last three months I cringed. In a beautifully-dressed way. But still.
So the plan is this.
NO EBAY FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS. That should be long enough to bring that nasty habit to its knees. Roaaaaaaar!

More anon, Scrooges!